Why this way?

Why I am this way? Why am I not like them? Why do I feel I’m not good? Why do I feel this way? Why don’t I tell her anyway? Why don’t I pour my heart? Why doesn’t she understand me? Why does she behave that way? Why do I do things I later regret? Why do I do them over again? Why do I want to finish myself? Why has it to end this way? Why am I still looking out for her? Why don’t I reconcile and know it’s over? Why does she keep coming back? Why do I want to get away? Why don’t I come face to face? Why do I hide behind mails? Why I am so scared of losing her? Why do I yet act this way? Why am I acting this way? Why do I make pity my game? Why do I write such self-defeating stuff? Why do I behave this way?